Our daughter and her family got a precious little puppy and named him Charlie. The people they got him from told them that he had his shots. Sunday night they saw their vet and asked her to bring his 4 month shots home with her to give him in a week and a half as it would be time. He got sick this morning and has an illness that most dogs cannot recover from. The vet said if he had had his shots like the birth owners said, he would not have gotten this dog virus. Charlie is so so sick and only time will tell in the next day or so if he will live. My daughter is heart sick and the girls are heart sick. Charlie reminds me of my little dog Traf.
I am crying as I write this because I am not tough enough inside not to cry. After the wreck, a guy friend came to my house one evening and had a tiny little puppy that fit in my hand. Dale’s dad was going to kill him, the puppy, because he was a runt and was not getting enough food as the bigger dogs pushed him away. I did not think he could live being so young and so tiny, without his mothers milk. I went and bought an eye dropper and started feeding him cows milk. It was summer time and I did not have to get up for school each morning so I set my alarm, every two hours, all night long, and would warm up milk and feed it to him with the eyedropper. Instead of dying he started growing and after a passage of time, he could lap up the milk out of a dish and to my absolute deep down thankfulness he lived. I loved him, I still love him. He slept by my bed and I let my hand hang off the bed next to him all night so he felt safe and warm. Because he drank cows milk, not his Moms milk, he had terrible gas so I named him Traf, which is fart spelled backwards. LOL He was such a deep comfort in the sorrow of Teds death from the wreck and all the other horrible sorrow of life. We were inseparable. We would walk to Burney creek daily to get away from the life at our house and because it was a beautiful walk in every way imaginable.
When school started in the fall he would walk down to the road with me and watch me get on the bus. When I got home at night he would be sitting by the side of the road waiting for me. One night, he was not there. I knew something had happened. He was as attached to me as I was to him. I went in the house and asked where Traf was. My Mom told me a drunk woman drove down our road and swerved and hit him while he was waiting for me. I asked where his body was and she told me my Dad had taken his body to the dump. My dad was cruel in so many ways but I went to him and could not stop my tears and begged him to take me to the dump to get his body. My brother, Dad and I went to the dump and my Dad showed me where he had put his body. My wonderful brother went into the garbage and started digging and found his body. He grabbed a box out of the dump and put Traf’s body in the box and gave him to me. We drove home. I could not bury him for several days. My Dad and brother told me I had to bury him finally. My brother dug a grave next to the evergreens in the forest behind our home and we buried his body. For all the tears I could not cry from life and from Ted’s death, Traf brought out every tear I had inside me for all the years I could not cry.
Decades later Pastor Bryan told us at church on a Sunday night that he did not see anywhere in scripture where it said that dogs can not go to heaven. I know Traf and I will be together literally forever for eternity. How precious forever is, how precious eternal life is and the cross and all God has given us. I will never cry again in heaven I know there is much deeper horror and sorrow in this life, much of which I cannot even emotionally deal with. I think Traf is part of my Romans 8:28. I will always love him and he gave me the physical ability to cry which is healing and releases so much pain. How much I feel in life now, how deeply I love and as much as I feared the pain of loving somebody once, I now love with every fiber of my existence and Traf was the beginning. I won’t ever love a dog again like I do Traf because all dogs die and I can’t love a dog like that again.
Human love is even more precious and I am healed and I know in all of me, without my switch ever shutting off, that God the Father is love always always always and He loves me and has,always loved me and I do not fear at all any rejection, pain or sorrow in His love. The Dr’s. words over many years, made that my precious forever reality. I still do not know if it is better to love or be loved, but I am both. Love So Amazing so Divine, demands my life, my heart my soul, my all, everything, forever. XOXOXO
I was reading Pastor Bryan’s 8:28 book today. I realize all the bad in this life, for those who belong to God, works out for good in the end. So thankful for His taking the time and effort to bring me to Him. So so so thankful forever.